Don’t let the title scare you off.
Getting through this is going to require some transparency…and that’s okay!
First off, I want you to know that this is not JUST for single people. You may currently be in a relationship (and that’s all well and good) but that does not mean that you don’t struggle with some of the things that I will mention below.
Secondly, I would like to challenge you to see this as a self-check list. I am not here to bash you or make you feel some kind of way about where you are right now in your life (when it comes to romantic stuff). But I am going to be honest, and I am not going to pull any punches. If you see something that hits home…don’t get into your feelings. Recognize it for what it is and handle it!
-with love from…someone who cares
- YOU HAVE A BAD ATTITUDE
You literally bring storm clouds with you wherever you go. This is not occurring just because you haven’t eaten all day and you need a snack. You have a bad attitude 85% of the time (even when things are going your way). When people see you they immediately begin looking for an escape route. You never have anything positive to say about yourself or anyone else for that matter. It doesn’t take much to set you off down Negativity Lane…and once you get rolling it never ever ends. You tend to be very difficult to work with and it is exhausting to the people (who have the tolerance) to be around you. No one is trying to attach themselves emotionally to you because in the long run it takes too much energy to cater to someone who is never satisfied.
- YOU HAVE BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH SELFIE-SYNDROME
You are so self absorbed that you don’t have eyes for anyone else. Oh, you were looking for the love of your life? Well, you just missed them. You were too busy taking pictures of yourself again. You live in a bubble. You don’t pay any attention to what is going on around you or the people who are already in your life! Whenever you open your mouth to speak, the topic of conversation is always about you. People who are self centered have a hard time making sacrifices, they hate compromising, and they are extremely prideful. The whole point of a relationship is for both people to love each other, serve each other, and grow together. If you can’t even look outside of yourself for 10 minutes…how are you going to make someone else truly feel loved?
- YOU MOVE WAY TOO FAST
When you meet someone for the first time…do your best not to look so desperate (even if you are). Don’t tell them that you love them and that the two of you are meant for each other! You just met the person two seconds ago. You don’t even know their name yet! They could be married and have four children for all you know. But somehow you figured that professing your undying love was going to make you irresistible. In reality, you are probably coming across as a creeper. Another big issue is giving up the goods too quickly! Again, let me restate the fact that you barely know this person. You don’t know their medical history, their mental history, you don’t even know what their favorite color is (and those are just the basics). Put a higher value on ‘your goods’ and stop handing them out like free samples at Costco. Everybody doesn’t have to have a taste. Samples don’t guarantee a purchase. I’m just saying.
- YOU HAVE UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS (THE LIST)
Notice I did not say anything bad about having “high” expectations. I said unrealistic expectations. So many people have this vision of the type of person they want. But no one ever really attempts to put these desires into the context of a real life with imperfect people. The perfect man and the perfect woman DO NOT EXIST. I’m sorry to break it to you but…it’s time to snap out of it. People are a mess and nobody has it ‘all the way’ together. Expectations are good to have and no…not everyone is going to make the cut (initially). But when you have unrealistic expectations of people you are automatically setting yourself up for disappointment and you are limiting your perspective. The truth (although we try to ignore it) is that many of us have not even met our OWN expectations! How in the world do we expect someone else to measure up to a list they have never even seen?
- THE TIMING IS OFF
There are moments where the time just isn’t right to go running off into the sun set with the love interest in your life. We all want a beautiful love story but simultaneously have to face the reality that things don’t always play out the way we wish they would. People are always transitioning through different seasons in their life. You may meet someone fantastic…and then find out that they’re moving to Cambodia next week. Or it might be that the person who is interested in you tells you that they just got out of a relationship and need more time alone. The variables are endless and at different times you will run into people with different priorities. Some people will be more focused on building a long lasting career, instead of snuggling up next to you a night.
- YOU DON’T DO LABELS
Oh, it might sound like a good idea theoretically (not putting a label on something you may have going on with another person) but it IS NOT a good idea. There is nothing cute or romantic about confusion…and that is what you are heading towards without drawing a clear definition of what is going on. People use this “No Labels” doctrine as an excuse to do what they want, whenever they want without any accountability to anyone. This is especially critical for those of you who are being physical with someone who doesn’t want to label anything. That is the kind of foolishness that will have you busting windows out of cars. You wake up one day and find out that while you never got a label (because they said it wasn’t all that important) they eventually found someone they considered worthy of the title. And it was not you.
- YOU ARE PARANOID
Every time you have embarked on a new relationship…your crazy side comes out and scares the mess out of people. You didn’t trust the person you were with. In fact, deep down inside you trust NO ONE AT ALL (not even yourself). After thousands of clingy phone calls, private-eye style stealth moves, and constantly trying to catch your new boyfriend/girlfriend in lies (that they never had time to tell you since you were only dating for two weeks) it’s over! You are all alone again and exhausted from being on edge the whole time. And bless the heart of the person who tried to give you a chance! I’m sure they never expected to fall prey to FBI level interrogations every day. And I am sure they never thought that you would be following them to work twice a week (just to make sure they weren’t cheating on you). Please understand that insecurity and fear are like poison. If you want to be in a healthy relationship of any kind you have to eliminate them from your system.
- YOU ARE STILL IN PAIN
If you are still suffering from wounds that you received while in an unhealthy/dysfunctional relationship, you may want to stay single for a while. This is to give yourself time to heal and also will spare any unsuspecting potential lover from becoming a victim to your left over anger and moments of bitterness. You need space more than anything right now…so don’t feel bad about that. Just know that in the long run it will be better for you and you won’t end up damaging someone else in the process.
- COMMITMENT IS NOT YOUR THING
If you are too lazy to commit…or if for some strange reason your understanding of loyalty is seriously lacking: DO NOT GET INTO A RELATIONSHIP WITH ANYONE. Don’t get upset when you see other people in committed relationships! Don’t sit there and wonder why no one wants to take a chance on you anymore! You never stay loyal. Who in the world wants to build something that will stand the test of time with someone who can’t be monogamous for more than 2 days? Look, if being true to someone else is not your strong suit (and you are fully aware of this) do not waste anyone else’s time with empty promises and false hope. Stay single until you are mature enough to bring something real to the table.
- YOU NEED TO BE SINGLE
I know this is not going to be what you want to hear. But deep down you realize, you might actually need to be single! It’s always so sweet to see people who have found their other half. Yes, I know you get those warm fuzzy feelings and you think to yourself “Wow, I’d really like to have something like that going on in my life.” But you may not be ready to give all that it takes to maintain a healthy relationship at this point in your journey. This is where being honest with yourself is most important. Have you ever stopped and wondered why relationships always look cute when you are on the outside looking in? It is because the people in them have to do ‘the work’ to make it work (and that isn’t always convenient or fun). It is always so funny when I hear people who are in relationships telling their single friends not to rush into anything. Is it possible, that even people in relationships realize the importance of having time to yourself? You don’t have to be in a rush to find companionship. Take time and enjoy your life (the value and quality of your life doesn’t have to be dependent on other people). You may not be in a relationship today…and there is nothing wrong with that. Embrace everything that you have right now. Don’t spend all of your time trying to chase after an idea of what you think a relationship has to be. Enjoy being single!
Written by Domenice Elcock
Live Free Contributor